A little different from my usual posts about everyday happenings in my life, here goes:

I've been questioning a lot of things in my life recently, from the educational and potentially career choices I made and are currently in the process of making, to the inner values that I hold most dear. The ones that serve as my core, my center and compass that makes keeps me grounded and helps me to navigate through the tricky siutations that life springs upon you.

I don't think I've been giving as much thought to those values as much as I really ought to. To be honest, sometimes it is for a lack of time, and other times it is because it is too hard and too painful to perform this kind of introspection. The fear that all you ever held dear and true are just illusions that couldn't stand up to the lightest of breezes. I am not afraid of challenging ideas because I see this as a way of expanding your mind and learning more. When it comes to myself it is different. I am afraid of reinventing myself because of the fear that I might lose something precious to me.

Then again, if I can't put into words exactly what it is I'm afraid of losing, then maybe it won't be so bad after all. Loss is not necessarily the end of the world.

I didn't feel this way last year. This has been sort of growing in me for the past year, coincidentally, since I came to Hopkins and Baltimore. What I'm seeing now is that there are lessons that I have to really learn and internalize and I'm getting a chance to do this now (this implies that I probably didn't do such a great job in the first try!). So it's painful to experience parts of me being stripped away and torn down, but then I also believe that I'm being rebuilt and renewed in a way. The process is a tricky one, but I cling to the hope that it will result in something good.



I never really gave this blog a mission or vision (can a blog have values too??) - I know I talked about these in a previous post - and maybe it is high time that I come up with them. It'll at the very least direct my writing. And it wouldn't hurt to inspect and refine those three things for myself as well.


er, all right, now back to writing my midterm case analysis :)